This informal CPD article on Well-Being and YOU was provided by Vivienne Barnes, Coach, Trainer & Counsellor of Woolston Well Being, providers of Well Being and Emotional Health client work and group talks.
I believe it’s a good idea to occasionally evaluate how we are doing and consider are we OK about ourselves, our relationships and our lives. As a Well Being Coach this subject is close to my heart. You see it is so important to feel OK about ourselves because if we don’t feel OK about ourselves then that ‘lack, gap, or need’ will make us vulnerable in some way whether that be over eating, heavy drinking, recreational drugs, obsessive shopping or excessive gambling to fill the void.
It could make one vulnerable to inappropriate unsafe relationships potentially leading to all sorts of expensive horrible scams. The lack gap or need can also transfer onto ‘others’ or one particular ‘other’ such as a close friend or ‘better half’. This issue could ultimately lead to the break-down of relationship and continue on to forthcoming relationships.
Having friends leads to a longer life – they boost our self-esteem and provide support and as people age we are more discerning, more selective about those we spend time with, so for this reason alone I suggest it is good to ensure we are all OK about ourselves (and be good to be around) and not to emit our NOT OK stuff onto others and in doing so push others away.
By NOT OK stuff I mean when we or others are always moaning about something or other – it can be hard to continually support them-perhaps you recognise the feeling of barely having enough energy for yourself let alone the energy for others!
Human Conditions
There are 3 main human conditions and behaviours that I am going to share–and hopefully you can identify yourself and decide if you are happy where you are. And importantly work out how a family member or close friend because the ‘knowing’ will help your communication. And I shall begin with;
I’m Ok and you are OK
In essence the ideal personal thought and feeling is that I’m OK and you are OK. This character in essence would most likely have had a loving and supportive, perhaps not perfect childhood. But the essential element of a child’s life is Love and this is what can uphold individuals throughout their life because the Love provides Hope. The classic manifestations would be thoughts and feelings such as; I feel good about myself, about my achievements, I respect myself, my values and I’m happy with my life. I think others are OK, and I respect others and I treat others as I would like to be treated myself.
I’M OK – YOU ARE NOT OK
These ‘characters’ can be difficult to be around. They have a high opinion of themselves and can be considered dogmatic. Most likely they have been made to feel superior to others because their parents or guardians have made them feel one in a million as opposed to one of a million. Their view of themselves tends to be as follows; ‘I think I am wonderful, I don’t respect others, I think I can do everything better than you/anyone / ‘move out the way – I’ll do it, I think everyone else is a loser, I cannot accept other’s suggestions, I tend to be critical of others in everything they say or do, frequently correcting others. I tend to bully others, and I definitely need to have my own way’.
I’M NOT OK – YOU ARE OK
Likewise these characters can be difficult to be around as they can suck the air out of a room. Their underlying belief of themselves has most likely been brought about by critical and unloving parents or guardians. Their thoughts tend to be; ‘I don’t like myself, I don’t like my life, I feel almost comfortable being ‘bullied or put down’ as it has become my norm, I tend to pity myself, I think no one likes me, I am resentful of others, I think everyone else is having a great time, I can idolise others, I can be resentful of others success’.
The benefits of awareness
Although I state that the best place to be is I’m OK and You are OK, it is quite normal to slip into one of the other states of being. The benefit of being aware I believe is that it helps us all to lead a balanced life and know where we feel best. And if you feel you yearn to be an I’m OK and You are OK sort then do please heed what a difference it can be and think about why you think as you do. Management of our thinking is critical for our emotional health and well-being.
I hope you can commit to being an I’m Ok and You are OK sort of individual. It’s a good place to be.
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